If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
