took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
