Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
