can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
