You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
