if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
