2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
