Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
