I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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