Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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