I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
