if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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