I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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