I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
