Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
