I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
