wrigley field is MILF paradise
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize