she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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