You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize