FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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