I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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