You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize