tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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