Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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