that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
