I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
