are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
