Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize