Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
