I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
