No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
