Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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