If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Still dying that you shit outside
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
