i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
