She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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