Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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