so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
