Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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