I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
