i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize