im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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