I think my fart just growled at me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
