i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
