i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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