We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
