Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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