i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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