Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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