Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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