i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize