M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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