he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
