I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
