Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
