the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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