i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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