all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
