i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
