so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
