we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
