you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
