And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
