Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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