drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
