You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
