omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
