Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
