Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
