Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
