If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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