So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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