There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
