i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
