you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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