Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
