Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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