Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
